Horchata de Arroz

Despite being white and murky, horchata has no milk. It is pronounced as "or-chat-ta" or "hor-cha-ta" if you want this marriage to work.

Ingredients

• 1c white rice
  
• 1.5c water
  
• yet another 1.5c water
  
• 1/4tsp cinnamon
  
• like, 3tbsp sugar
  
• a little bit of vanilla
  

Put the rice and 1.5c water in a blender with the cinnamon. Put the blender in the refrigerator. For maybe 12 hours. Nobody said this would a quick recipe.

Th next morning, blend the liquid until smooth, 2-3 minutes. Strain it through a cheesecloth. Add the sugar and vanilla and the remaining water. Enjoy.

Thoughts: This nigh impossible to strain at the end. I don't know how best to deal with that. I recommend decanting it a couple times and THEN straining it. It was a mess. Anyway, it was a LITTLE watery for me - I assume it's not traditional, but I wonder if it would be good with milk instead of water, at least at the end. The flavor was pretty good, though, aside from the wateriness. If I made it again, I would blend it for longer, probably before I even chill it. I might use milk, too. And more cinnamon. Some recipes use almonds, too, which might be good (even better: use almond milk?). Anyway, if you don't like it you can just use it to make oatmeal, and it works pretty well.

Disaster Index: 3/10

Blondies

Ingredients

• 2 sticks of butter
• 2c flour
• 2tsp baking powder
• .75tsp salt
• 2c dark brown sugar
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten with
• 2tsp vanilla extract
• ~1c dark chocolate chips

In a bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, salt, and chocolate chips. In a separate bowl, combine the eggs and vanilla. In a sauce pan over medium heat, melt the butter. After it melts, keep it on the heat. It will froth up a lot, then the froth will subside and it will start to darken. As soon as it starts to darken, take the butter off the heat and add the brown sugar. Stir vigorously. Add about a tablespoon of water and stir well. Let the mixture sit a little bit to cool (or stir it to cool it faster). Then temper the eggs and stir them in. Whisk together until pretty smooth. Then pour in the dry ingredients and fold together. It will form a very sticky batter. Pour into a 9x13 baking pan. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes at 350 degrees, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Thoughts: 2c is WAY more sugar than it needed, I believe. The batter was REALLY overpowering. But when they baked, the sweetness was quite diminished to tolerable levels. Don't get me wrong - they taste GREAT - but I still think I would use about 1/2 as much sugar next time. Otherwise, the flavor is fantastic, and the texture is great.

Update: I made this with 1.25 sticks of butter, 1c sugar, and 1tsp salt. The flavor is phenomenal, but the texture is a little more cake-y? Maybe this is what the butter was for? Unclear. Hm.

Disaster Index: 1/10

The Fat Elvis Sandwich

Okay, so we changed one ingredient.

Ingredients

• 2 slices of bread (we used whole grain, you're supposed to use Hawaiian.)
  
• 3 slices thick cut bacon, cooked and patted dry
  
• peanut butter
  
• 1 banana, sliced and grilled (possibly in bacon fat) until caramelized on both sides.
  

Cook bacon and banana as instructed above. Put peanut butter on the sandwich, followed by bacon and then bananas. Put the sandwich back on the griddle and toast lightly. Serve.

Thoughts: Not much needs to be said about this. Claire put a lot of peanut butter on, which, she evinced, drowned out the bacon flavor too much. In the future, she would use more bacon (or less peanut butter). I thought it could use a spot of jelly or possibly honey, though that might be fixed by using hawaiian bread.

Also this was FANTASTIC. Although I would say it has an artery disaster index of more like 3-7/10, depending on how you make it / whether you fry EVERYTHING in bacon fat (including the sandwich) or nothing.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Waffles

This is my late grandmother's recipe -- she's labeled it as "low-carb, high-protein," which it certainly is. Don't be put off by the cottage cheese and wheat germ; these are delicious.

Ingredients

• 4 eggs
• 1/2 cup flour (white or whole wheat)
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1 cup cottage cheese
  
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 cup oil
• 1/2 cup milk (NOTE: DO NOT SUBSTITUTE ALMOND MILK. IT IS NOT REAL MILK. IT WILL MESS UP YOUR WAFFLES)
  
• wheat germ (optional, and as much as you want)
  

Combine these all in a blender or kitchen aid or whatever you use to blend things quickly. You probably could use just a spoon, but I make no promises about consistency.
Ladle the batter into a waffle iron. Eat them once they're done.

Thoughts: Awesome. The flavor of these is hard to describe but totally delicious. We messed up a bunch of these the first time we made them, but only because I have no idea how to work a waffle iron. SO. But they're flawless once you know what you're doing. Also they're pretty healthy. My mother says they're a lot like the original, so that's good.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Apples Foster

I was watching Unwrapped on Food Network because Claire isn't here to entertain/stop me. They spoke to the guy whose father invented/caused the invention of Bananas Foster (the guy inherited the restaurant from his father). Anyway, that's what kind of inspired this.

Ingredients

• 1 smallish apple, cubed (or something like that - I think I did something somewhere between cubes and wedges)
  
• 1tbsp brown sugar
  
• 1/2tbsp butter
  
• 1tbsp (good) dark rum (I used Meyers)
  
• vanilla ice cream
  

In a sauce pan, melt the butter with the brown sugar. Add the apples, and stir around, continuing to cook at medium high heat. If it starts to get a little dry, add a few tbsp of water. Cook until the apples are a little soft but not mushy. Take the pot off the heat and pour in the tbsp of rum. Put it back on the heat and shuffle the pan around a little so the alcohol starts to vaporize. Now ignite a lighter over the pot. Lean away from the pot a little while you do this (although alcohol doesn't burn terribly hot, and it's only for a second, so you'll probably be fine - but better safe than sorry). Pour the apples and syrup over some vanilla ice cream. Enjoy.

Thoughts: The flambe part was pretty darn cool. I think that's the second time I've ever attempted a flambe. But now it will happen like every weekend. This recipe was so good, it would be difficult to improve upon it. If I HAD to pick things to do differently next time, they would be these: 1) add a pinch of salt, 2) think about adding some spices - cinnamon, allspice, clove, that kind of thing, 3) add other fruit in addition to apple, 4) maybe some nuts for a little added texture? 5) make more. BUT the recipe doesn't suffer without these modifications - they're more suggestions of ways to potentially spice it up some time in the future. As a note: this recipe makes enough for ONE person. Multiply as needed.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Pasta with Artichokes and Zucchini

CLAIRE IS IN MINNESOTA. COOK NEW RECIPES.

Ingredients

• 1/2 lb farfalle
  
• 1 zucchini
  
• 1/2 a jar's worth of artichoke hearts (I hear that jars of artichokes are of higher quality than cans. Confirm/deny?)
  
• 1/2 tsp lemon juice
  
• generous pinch of salt
  
• 2tsp garlic
  
• olive oil
  
• a few tbsp pesto
  

Set the pasta to cook. Meanwhile, prep the vegetables. Cut the zucchini as you see fit (I cut it into 1.5" wedges - each about 1/8 of a cylinder, if you can imagine what I'm failing to describe). Saute over medium high heat with some olive oil. Add the garlic and toss around until the garlic is fragrant - 30 seconds? Then add the artichoke hearts. Mine were jarred with some vegetable oil, vinegar, and various spices. I pulled the artichokes out individually with a fork, leaving whatever juice was on them. Anyway, toss those in and continue to saute for another 2-3 minutes. Add lemon juice and pesto and turn the heat off. When the pasta is done, toss it in with the vegetables and toss them around.

Thoughts: This was pretty delicious. The serving is really designed for two people, but I ate most of it. In the future, I would consider adding sliced olives to this. Otherwise, pretty fantastic.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Wookie Cookies

Here they finally are, by popular request:

Ingredients

• 2 and 1/4 cup white flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1.5 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup milk chocolate chips
• 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375.
Put flour, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon in a medium-sized bowl and whisk together until fully incorporated. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, cream together the soft butter, brown, and white sugars together until completely blended. I used to do this in the blender, but the mixture gets too runny and the cookies come out flat if you do this. If you use a fork or whisk, the batter stays stiffer, which makes for better cookies. Make sure your butter is soft. If it isn't, you'll be really frustrated.
Beat in the eggs and vanilla extract.
Add the flour mixture and mix completely. Add the 2 cups of chocolate chips and stir in.
If it looks like the batter is too runny (it shouldn't be, but if it is), you can go ahead and refrigerate it for an hour or two.
Drop the dough onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper (or a greased cookie sheet).
Bake for about 10 minutes, or until golden brown.
Eat them. Makes about 3 dozen.

Thoughts: These are awesome. There's nothing else to say about them. Try them. You'll like them.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Bao Redux

This deserved its own post. We re-made the Bao recipe but with some modifications, and it turned out just... great.

Ingredients

• Bread dough
  
  
  
  • 3 tsp yeast
    
  • 3 tsp sugar
    
  • 1tsp salt
    
  • 1 cup milk, scalded and cooled
    
  • about 2.5 cups regular flour
    
  
  
  
• Filling
  
  
  
  • .25lb ground pork
    
  • 1/2 small yellow onion chopped
    
  • 1 tbsp garlic, crushed
    
  • 1 large carrot, peeled and chopped fine
    
  • 2c kale, chopped fine
    
  • to taste (our amounts in parentheses): ginger (.5tsp), soy sauce (2tbsp), black vinegar (1tbsp), oyster sauce (1tbsp), thai chili sauce (.75tsp), chicken stock (1/2tsp), corn starch (.5tsp mixed with some cold water), black pepper (.25tsp)
    
  
  

To make the dough:
Throw the milk in the microwave on high for 1.5-2 minutes, until it's about to boil. Set it aside to cool. In the mean while, add the flour, sugar, and salt and whisk together. Add the yeast to the dry mixture and give another stir. When the milk is cool enough that you can just put your finger in for about 2-3 seconds comfortably (but not much more), mix the milk in with the dough. Stir together, and then turn dough out onto a well floured surface and knead until smooth. Put the dough back into the metal bowl and place in a humid place to rise. (Try microwaving a cup of water for 2.5 minutes until it boils and then move the cup aside and stick the bowl of dough in the microwave to create a humid warm chamber).

To make the filling:
While the dough is rising, prepare the filling.
Place all the vegetables in a heavy-bottomed saute pan. Add some neutral oil (peanut oil?) and set to medium-high heat. Add about 1/8-1/4c water and cover. Once the water is mostly evaporated, turn to medium-low heat. Add the ground pork and cook. Our ground pork was frozen, so I covered it and let it thaw at a low temperature, then broke it apart with my spoon and set over high heat until it was completely cooked through.

Now add all of the sauces / flavors you want. Finally add the cornstarch (mixed with a little water) and set to high heat again until the sauce (if there is any to speak of) thickens. In ours, even with all the sauces we added there wasn't much liquid in the final mixture, so the corn starch was probably overkill. Anyway, be sure to taste and make sure you like what you taste. We added a little bit extra vinegar because we wanted a little more acid, but I could see adding more thai chili sauce, which is a little sweet.

To put them together:
Once the dough has risen for 40 minutes or so, dimple it into a sheet with your fingers and fold in 3 first one way then the other. Put back in the bowl and cover to let rise another 20 minutes. Pinch off a piece of dough about half the size of your fist. Press into 4-5" rounds. Put an appropriate amount of filling in the center of the round of dough - about 2tsp. With your fingers, gather the edges of the dough and pinch them together in the middle as best you can. Pinch the dough so it will hold MORE OR LESS together - doesn't have to be perfect because this side is facing up. Place the filled bun pinched side up on a square piece of parchment paper. Put in a bamboo steamer. Place buns a few inches apart, because they will expand during the steaming. If they stick together, it's no big deal. When steamer basket is full, cover the steamer with a lid and cook. Steam the buns for about 6 minutes.

Thoughts: Second time's a charm. We followed all of the minor changes in the previous edition but used different filling - this time with pork instead of beef. The flavor was much stronger and had a fairly authentic taste even with the carrots and kale (which we were just trying to use up). Next time I can see using mushrooms, finely chopped, and more pork-to-vegetable ratio. But the flavor was just fantastic. Secondly, the dough was much softer and lighter. The high amount of leavening probably gave it substantial rise in the relatively short time. Using only milk instead of milk and water gave the dough a very velvety texture that made it easy to work with. We TRIED baking one bao instead of steaming. It ALMOST worked - if we were really motivated, we'd do all the bao but place them pinched side DOWN on the parchment and then brush the other side with an egg wash. But it was a little bit too much work. Steaming was actually much easier. Somehow this was just much less work than last time. And better tasting.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Corn Bread Stuffing

Ingredients

• ~3c cornbread, crumbled
  
• 2tbsp butter
  
• 3/4c chopped celery
  
• 1 small onion, chopped
  
• 1 tbsp garlic
  
• 2c chicken stock (or vegetable stock, buhhh)
  
• 2 eggs, beaten
  
• herbs and seasonings - we used rosemary, salt, and pepper, but we didn't have any sage.
  

Preheat oven to 350. Toss the celery, onion, garlic, and butter into a pan and saute until softened, 8 minutes or so. In the mean time, crumble the cornbread into a bowl. To that, add the chicken stock, eggs, and herbs. When the vegetables are done, let them cool to the point where they won't cook the eggs, and then stir them into the cornbread/stock mixture. Spread this mixture out in a 9x13 baking dish. Bake for somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour, depending on how wet the stuffing is.

Thoughts: while the taste was great, there was WAY too much liquid. I would cut the liquid by 1/2, possibly more. It's better to be adding liquid if it's too dry than trying to cook off excess in the oven. Otherwise, the flavor was delicious. I would make this again if we had a ton of leftover cornbread.

Disaster Index: 3/10

Kale with bacon and honey mustard

Ingredients

• 10-15 large stalks of kale (maybe 1.5 lbs?)
• 1 cup chicken stock
• 1 tbsp honey mustard
• 6 slices of bacon, cut in half
• 3 cloves garlic
• salt and pepper, to taste

Add the bacon and garlic to a large (preferably thick-bottomed) pot and turn to high heat. Let cook until bacon is crispy.
In the meantime, de-vein the kale and chop it finely. Wash it thoroughly. Set aside to drain.
Once the bacon is crisp, remove it from the pot and set it on some paper towels to dry. Make sure you keep most of the bacon fat and garlic in the bottom of the pan.
Add the kale to the pot, turn to medium heat, and cover. Once kale has been reduced in volume by about half, add half of the chicken stock (1/2 cup). Cover again. Once kale has been reduced even further in volume, add the other 1/2 cup of stock. Make sure to stir well in order to get as much bacon grease as possible on the leaves.
When the kale is just about done, add the honey mustard and stir well.
When you are satisfied that the kale has been thoroughly coated, remove it and put it in a serving bowl. There should still be a reasonable amount of honey mustard/chicken stock mixture in the bottom of the pot. Thicken it in the way you see fit -- cook it down forever, or add some cornstarch mixed with water. When it's thick, drizzle it over the top of the kale. Eat.

Thoughts: The idea to add honey mustard was my father's, and I think it worked really well. The original idea was actually to add dijon mustard + a little bit of brown sugar, but we only had honey mustard, so we used that instead. My dad thought it came out a little too sweet; in the future we would try to actually have some dijon on hand. I thought it was pretty delicious. This recipe makes kale the best vegetable in the world. Dan also liked it a lot. I give it two thumbs up.

Disaster Index:1/10 awesome

Honey Wheat Bread

One of the best breads we've made.
Ingredients

• 3/4c skim milk
  
• 1/2c half-and-half (or, anyway, use something of equivalent milk-fat to these proportions)
  
• 1/4c honey
  
• 3tsp yeast (one packet plus a little)
  
• 1/2tsp salt
  
• 1tbsp butter, melted
  
• 1 egg, beaten
  
• 1c unbleached all-purpose white flour
  
• 2 or 2.5c wheat flour
  

In a bowl, combine the dry ingredients. In a saucepan, combine the milk and half and half and proceed to scald the milk (wait until it starts to really froth up as it boils). Let it cool until you can stick a finger in it for about 3 seconds without jerking your hand away in pain. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and stir together, then turn out onto a well-floured counter and knead until the dough is smooth and elastic, adding wheat flour as necessary so that the dough is JUST sticky enough that it doesn't QUITE stick to your hands / the counter. Spray with PAM and let it rise in a warm place for an hour. It will about double (or else your yeast was dead). Again on a floured surface, press dough down, dimpling it with your fingers, into a thick sheet, then fold in thirds. Dimple again with your fingers, then fold in thirds the other way. Do this one more time. Now pull all the edges of the dough into the top center and pinch together. Turn dough ball upside-down, so you have a really smooth surface on top and so the bottom is all pinched. Put on a baking sheet, spray with some PAM, and cover, letting rise in a warm place for another hour. Preheat oven to 375 (we let our dough rise on top of the warm stove as it preheated). Bake until the loaf sounds hollow when tapped and the color is a deep chocolate brown, about 40-45 min.

Thoughts: First of all, the crust on this bread was fantastic. Not too thick, not too thin, and just the right amount of resistance. The flavor was rich without being too heavy. In fact, the dough had a lot of rise and had a really nice texture. In addition to being some of the best TASTING bread we've made, it was also among the best LOOKING loaves. We'll definitely make this one again.

As a note of some interest: why do we scald the milk? I read in the Tasajara Bread Book (the bible of bread making) that milk contains enzymes that impede the action of yeast, and that you should scald milk before using it in bread to denature the enzymes. I had never done this before, and I don't exactly have a comparison of this bread WITH and WITHOUT scalded milk to see whether this is true. But this bread was so good, why risk it? The recipe on which this is based has powdered milk (in fact, a lot of bread recipes do) which would already have denatured the enzymes. So maybe there's something to this. Unfortunately, I don't actually OWN the Tasajara Bread Book, so I can't check my facts. I was just reading a copy in the bookstore. Hm.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Pumpkin Bread

I made this up based on a few recipes, but it is fantastic. Special thanks go to Cooks Illustrated for the method and general ratios.

Ingredients

• 2c unbleached all purpose white flour
  
• 1.5tsp baking powder
  
• 1tsp baking soda
  
• .5tsp salt (possibly +.25tsp more)
  
• 3/4c white (granulated) sugar
  
• 1/4c dark brown sugar
  
• 1 small pumpkin - peeled, seeded, and baked until soft. About 1.5c total.
  
• 1/4c buttermilk
  
• 1tsp vanilla
  
• 3tbsp butter, softened
  
• 2 large eggs
  
• spices - cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and allspice will get you on the right path. We did it "until it looked right" and tasted the batter after mixing, then adjusted.
  

Mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, spice, brown sugar, and 1/4c of white sugar in a bowl. Set aside. Put the rest of the sugar in a stand mixer with the rest of the butter and cream together, about 5 minutes. While that's going, take the roasted pumpkin and mash together with the vanilla and buttermilk. We used a fork.

When the butter and sugar is creamy (about five minutes?) or until you're sick of waiting because your stand mixer was built in the early 70's, set the mixer to low speed and add one egg at a time to the butter / sugar mixture, giving plenty of time to beat afterward. Now make sure the blender is very low and add 1/2 of the flour mixture, followed by 1/3 of the pumpkin, then 1/2 of what's left of the flour, the second third of the pumpkin (half of what's left), and then the rest of the flour followed by the rest of the pumpkin. Taste and see if it needs anything. We added .25tsp salt and some spice.

Pour into a 9x5 bread pan (WELL greased - maybe floured, as well) and bake at 350 for 55 minutes. Actually ours took more like an hour and a half. Anyway definitely don't peak at it until about 50 minutes. Take it out when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Thoughts: fantastic! It was actually pretty easy to make. The mixing method (creaming together the ingredients) apparently prevents overmixing, so you don't have to do the standard quickbread mixing method. It does this by coating the flour in fat, so that not all the gluten can develop when you mix it. Anyway, with the extra .25tsp salt this was just right - not too sweet, not too salty, just really flavorful. It could stand up to chocolate chips or raisins, but we wanted to just get the standard recipe first. This would probably make pretty good muffins, too. The bread is very moist. Also, don't worry if the batter seems kind of... fiber-y. The fiber breaks down during baking, and you're left with a really smooth, delicious bread. If you decide to make this but use canned pumpkin, you may need to adjust the liquids somewhat. Just off the top of my head (though you'd kind of have to see what it looks like) I would guess that with canned pumpkin you'd use 2tsp baking powder, .5tsp soda, and no buttermilk.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Wine-braised Red Cabbage

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp butter
• 2.5 cups thinly-sliced red cabbage
• 1/2 cup chopped and peeled Granny Smith apple
• 1/4 cup chopped red onion
• 2 bacon slices (uncooked), chopped
• 1/4 cup dry red wine (we used a Cabernet Sauvignon)
  
• 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1/2 cup diced yukon gold potato
  
• 1 tbsp honey
• gorgonzola, to your liking.
  
• salt, pepper
  

Melt the butter in a pan over medium heat. Add cabbage, apple, onion, and bacon. Saute until cabbage is sort of tender (around 6 minutes?). Add wine and vinegar. Cover and cook until liquid evaporates and cabbage is completely tender (around 10 minutes?). Add the potato and the honey. Cover and cook until potato is tender, about 3 minutes.
Season with salt and pepper and garnish with blue cheese, if desired.

Thoughts: Pretty delicious. In the future, I would crisp the bacon, crumble it, and then add it to the cabbage at the very end. There's no point in using bacon unless it's crispy. It's also more flavorful this way. The original recipe did not call for blue cheese, but after I tried the cabbage, I thought something should be added to cut the acidity a little bit, and the only thing we had was gorgonzola. But it's delicious. And highly recommended.

Disaster Index: 2/10

Strawberry Bread

Unusual and unique. Not what we expected at all, but definitely worth it.

Ingredients

• 1c chopped strawberries (I don't know, but I'd imagine it's more like 1.5c un-chopped?)
  
• 1.5c white flour
  
• 1/2 granulated sugar plus a teaspoon
  
• 1.5tsp cinnamon
  
• 1/2tsp salt
  
• 1/2tsp baking soda
  
• 1/4tsp baking powder
  
• 2 eggs, beaten
  
• 1/2c vegetable oil
  
• brown sugar for crumbling on top
  

Preheat oven to 350. In a bowl, combine the strawberries and the teaspoon of granulated sugar and toss. In another bowl, combine the flour, salt, baking soda and powder, and cinnamon. Add the eggs and oil to the strawberries and stir around, then add to dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Pour into a lightly greased and floured 9x5" bread pan. Crumble some brown sugar on top (optional). Bake about 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean (so long as you don't pierce a strawberry). Could take as few as 40 minutes, depending on the rack in the oven and whether or not you, like I, have a pizza stone in the oven all the time.

Thoughts: Claire and I were surprised by the dark whole-wheat flavor of this bread even when we used white flour. I mean, the bread turns pretty dark brown and has kind of a caramel, nutty flavor. Weird. What caused that? Was it the egg? Hm. Anyway, this version isn't too sweet. The original recipe we stole this from (by someone named Ellen Rainey who posted to allrecipes) used double the sugar and no baking powder. I can see why some people might prefer more sugar, but I actually like it this way. And then if you want it sweeter you can drizzle a slice with some honey. Overall, this recipe surprised us. Really delicious, though.

Future variations: cut down on the cinnamon and add some vanilla instead. Add other berries, particularly blueberries. Bake in a bundt pan?

Disaster Index: 1/10

Mexican Rice

Ingredients

• 1c extra long grain white rice, rinsed until water runs clear
  
• 1.25c water
  
• 2 to 2.5tsp chicken bouillon (or veg, but I wouldn't recommend it)
  
• heaping .5tsp ground annato seed
  
• .5tsp cumin
  

Wash rice and put it in a pot with the water over medium-high heat. Don't stir it more than once or twice, and only briefly. When the water reaches a low boil, cover the pot and turn heat as low as it will go. Let sit for 15 minutes. In the mean time, combine the seasonings in a separate bowl. Add no more than 1tbsp water and stir to dissolve. When the 15 minutes are up, pour the seasoning-mixture into the rice and stir to coat. If the rice looks like it needs a little more time, cover and continue to cook. Otherwise, re-cover and turn the heat off. Let it sit for 10 minutes or so. If you want, once it has been sitting for 5-10 minutes, you can add a little NEUTRAL oil and turn the heat back on, frying the rice lightly.

Thoughts: When we made this, we used 1.5tsp chicken stock. We're trying to copy the rice that they have at Casa De Lara in Madison, WI. We were very close, and we decided it just needed a little more salt. In the future, we could add chopped up carrots and peas, as well. Possibly we could cook them separately and then stir them in when the seasonings are done.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Vegetarian Enchiladas

We've already done this once, but the recipe has changed so much since the first time we made it that it merits posting it again.

Ingredients

• 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
  
• 2 zucchini/yellow squash, halved lengthwise and sliced thin
  
• 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
  
• 1 jalapeno pepper, skin charred and removed, seeds removed, chopped (see note)
  
• 1tbsp garlic
  
• neutral oil
  
• 1/2tsp cumin
  
• 2tbsp flour
  
• 1c chicken stock (or veg)
  
• 6oz pepper jack cheese, chopped or grated.
  
• tortillas
  
• 1 can enchilada sauce
  
• cilantro
  

Start by sauteing the onion in a little neutral oil over medium heat. Once it's getting toward translucent, add the zucchini, bell pepper, garlic, cumin, cilantro, and jalapeno. Cover for about 5 minutes, then remove lid and cook for another 5 minutes or so. When the zucchini are just tender (but still have a little tooth to them), take everything out and put it in a separate bowl. To the pot, add the flour and stir around. Add the chicken stock and turn the heat back on to medium-high, stirring to break up any huge lumps. Small lumps are okay. When the mixture is just starting to thicken, set to low heat and add 2-3oz of the cheese, stirring constantly. When all of the cheese is melted, re-add the vegetables and stir to coat.

Preheat oven to 350. In a baking dish, spread a thin layer of enchilada sauce. Then place tortillas in the dish, filling with the vegetables. This recipe makes two enormous burrito-sized servings or many more small servings, which would probably be more appropriate. Once all the filling is divvied up, fold the tortillas closed as best you can and pour enchilada sauce over everything, brushing even with a pastry brush. Sprinkle with the rest of the cheese and fresh cilantro. Bake for 30 minutes or until you can't take it any more.

Thoughts: Our recent addition of the jalapeno was a huge success. This is giving Casa De Lara a run for their money.

Disaster Index: 1/10

*note: to char the skin of a jalapeno pepper, just turn on a burner and hold the jalapeno over the burner with tongs until the skin is burnt on all sides. It takes a while. By burnt, I mean completely blackened. If you don't have a gas burner, put the jalapeno on a baking dish and put it in the oven with the broiler on. When one side is amply burnt, turn it over and do the other side. Run the jalapeno under cold water after burning the skin, then just rub with the edge of a knife. The skin will just flake/slide right off.

Pasta with MGC pesto

What does MGC stand for? WAIT AND SEE.

Ingredients

• 1 lb pasta (we used ziti)
• 1/2 lb collards (the C), stems removed, leaves chiffonaded and then washed
• 1/2 lb mustard greens (the MG), stems removed, leaves torn and then washed
• the juice and zest of 1/2 of a small lemon
• 3 tbsp parmesan cheese
• 2 cloves garlic
  
• 1 tbsp dried basil flakes
  
• 2 Laughing Cow triangles (alternatively, 2 oz. of creamy cheese)
• salt
• pepper
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• water, until the texture is right
• 1 small tomato, chopped
  

In a large saucepan, add the collards and a few tablespoons of water. Cover the pot and put over medium/high heat. Cook until the collards have wilted, about 5 minutes.
Once the collards have wilted, add the mustard greens. Add more water, if necessary. Cover again and cook until the MG have cooked down. This shouldn't take long - keep an eye on it.
Once they've cooked down, add the garlic, salt, basil flakes, and pepper. Mix until incorporated.
Heat a pot of water for the pasta. When it's boiling, cook the pasta.
Remove the MG&C from the stove and put in a blender. To the blender, add olive oil and lemon juice/zest. Blend until thoroughly blended. Add more oil and/or water if the mixture gets too thick. Add the cheeses. Blend some more.
The pasta should be cooked by now. Drain it and return the pasta to the pot.
Add the MG&C pesto to the pasta. Stir until the pasta is thoroughly coated.
Add chopped tomatoes on top.
Devour.

Thoughts: OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. THIS IS AWESOME. But seriously, I was expecting the pesto to taste like any other pesto (we've made pesto with things like kale and swiss chard etc...), but it does not. It has this really interesting, savory flavor. We really lucked out. The greens paired really well with both the chopped tomato and the lemon. And this was hella easy. To be honest, I like this version of pesto better than traditional pesto. I would eat this all day. Sweet fancy Moses.

Disaster Index: Can I give a -1? 1/10 I guess

Real French Fries

Not your typical "oven fry" baked potato wedges, these are actually fried. In oil. But they contain 30% less oil than NORMAL french fries because of the unique cooking process. READ ON!

Ingredients

• yukon gold potatoes, (NOT russets & unpeeled) cut into sticks of an appropriate "fry" size. You choose how big. We've had good luck with both small and large sizes, but you have to be consistent.
  
• peanut oil for frying (canola or vegetable oil work also).
  

Dump the potatoes into room temperature oil on the stove. Use a container that is a) large enough, b) can take a lot of heat. Turn to high heat. After about 5 minutes, the oil should be at a rolling boil (actually, the water coming out of the fries is what's "boiling", but whatever). Turn the heat to medium-high (enough to keep at the current temperature). After another 10 or 15 minutes, you can stir the fries around a little with some tongs, scraping up any that stick to the bottom (we didn't have a problem with this). Fry until golden. Pick the fries out with the tongs and place in a towel lined bowl. Dust with salt and continue to remove oil. Enjoy!

Thoughts: On our first try, the fries were too crisp. They were still tasty, but not quite how we liked them. Also, the fries were uneven, so the larger pieces were cooked just right, while the smaller pieces were overcooked. Next time, we tried small match-stick sizes (well, maybe a little bigger than that). They cooked evenly, and gave us perfect frites. Delicious. Will definitely try again, but not until we get a chance to do some cardio or something. Even so, these fries have less oil than standard fries. Because they cook so slowly, the moisture inside the potatoes isn't replaced by as much oil as the standard process. It's complicated. Trust me.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Cottage Cheese

Not as successful. Alton Brown's recipe.

Ingredients

• 2c skim milk
  
• 1.5tbsp white vinegar
  
• pinch salt
  
• heavy cream / half and half / whole milk
  

Put the milk in a sauce pan and heat to 120*F. Take it off the heat and add the vinegar, stirring for a minute or two. The curd will separate from the whey. Now cover the pot and let sit for 30 minutes. When you're done, strain the curd and whey through a tea towel, catching all the curd. Wrapping the curd in the tea towel, proceed to rinse the curd (through the towel) in cold water, squeezing the curd (and excess water) periodically. Finally, dump the curd into a bowl with a pinch of salt and break apart into smaller curds with a spoon. When you're ready to serve, add a little cream/half-and-half/whole milk and stir together.

Thoughts: I'm not a huge cottage cheese eater to begin with, so this wasn't really for me. Claire didn't seem to like it too much. I mean, it has nothing to do with the stuff being home-made - that actually made it a lot more appealing - it's just that it was kind of bland. Not a lot of flavor. We used whole milk, so maybe heavy cream next time (if there is a next time). But store-bought is just fine for us. Another (minor) problem is that for a pint of milk you get out maybe 1/2c of cottage cheese. Something to consider.
Claire: as a hard-core cottage cheese fan, I had an issue with both the texture and the flavor. I don't know if there will be a next time. A fine recipe to try, for sure, but Alton Brown has failed us for the LAST TIME.
No, no, we'll still use him. But probably not for this. I'm also editing the disaster index.

Disaster Index: 9-10/10

Tomato and Cannellini Panade

Based on a recipe from the kitchn blog. Very similar to ribollita.

Ingredients

• 1 onion, diced
  
• 2tbsp minced garlic
  
• 28oz can of diced tomatoes in juice
  
• 1c chicken broth (or vegetable)
  
• 1tbsp brown sugar
  
• 1 bay leaf
  
• pinch of anise
  
• 1tsp oregano
  
• 1tsp thyme
  
• 3-5 slices of good, crusty bread, cubed
  
• 16oz can cannellini beans, rinsed
  
• 1/2c parmesan
  
• salt and pepper to taste
  

Saute the onion in olive oil (with a pinch of salt) until translucent. Add the garlic and saute until fragrant - 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes & juices, and the broth along with the brown sugar, bay leaf, and anise. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer for 10 minutes. Fish out the bay leaf and add the bread and beans. Stir for about 5 minutes, until the bread is mushy. Add a little more broth (1/4 to 1/2c) if needed, and stir some more. The goal is to get something only a LITTLE soupy - the bread soaks up most of the soup, so it's more of a stew. After you've adjusted this to taste, stir in the cheese and see if it doesn't need more salt or some pepper. Serve!

Thoughts: pretty great, but Claire and I agree that it could use some sort of greens. Maybe some frozen spinach? It would be a cinch to toss 5-10oz of frozen chopped spinach. On the plus side, it's a simple recipe and it's easy to adapt to be veg friendly. It's really quite good - I think I prefer it to ribollita texturally, even if they're pretty similar. It's kind of comfort-food. I would definitely make this again, just maybe with some modifications.

Disaster Index: 2/10 - with spinach I'd say a 1/10.

Melon lassi

Okay, hardly a "recipe" but it was something I tried out today. I was originally thinking "smoothie" but it pretty much tasted like lassi. So there you go.

Ingredients

(roughly)

• 1c honeydew melon
  
• 1/2c vanilla ice cream
  
• 1/2c plain yogurt
  
• 1/4c milk
  
• 1tbsp honey
  
• 1/4tsp cinnamon
  

Throw everything in a blender. Enjoy.

Thoughts: Pretty delicious. It's like lassi, but with a subtle melon-y taste (go figure). I was mainly trying to get rid of a not-so-great honeydew melon, and this worked. My only gripe is that the melon doesn't blend TERRIBLY well - it takes a lot of blending to get it into small enough bits to be enjoyable. But the melon in question wasn't completely ripe - otherwise I wouldn't have been blending it in the first place. Catch-22. It could use to be thicker, too. Maybe some quick oats next time, no added milk, and a banana. That would make it a little more smoothie-like and probably the desired density.

Disaster Index: 2/10

UPDATE:

Ingredients

(roughly)

• 2c honeydew melon or honeydew-cantaloupe hybrid OR whatever you want
  
• 1/4c vanilla ice cream
  
• 1/2c plain yogurt
  
• 1/3c quick oats
  
• Any additional flavors you want - other fruit, cinnamon, etc
  

Throw everything in a blender (make sure you add the oats last or it'll be tough to get it started blending). Blend for 20 or 30 seconds, until it looks pretty smooth. Refrigerate for 1-2 hours. I just throw in the whole blender bowl and leave the base on the counter. During this time, the oatmeal (now more like oat flour) will plump up and thicken the smoothie, also enhancing the oat flavors, but it gets kind of lumpy. Take it out and re-blend it for 10-20 seconds on high speed after it's done. Enjoy.

Thoughts: Much improved. The oats actually add a little extra sweetness to the smoothie, and the texture is much thicker & richer. This works great if you have some melon that isn't quite sweet or flavorful enough to motivate you to eat it straight OR if you just bought way more melon that you needed and Claire won't help you eat it.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Collard Greens

Perfect in combination with the grits. The slight acidity of the tomatoes really complements the rich creaminess of the grits.

Ingredients

• some olive oil
  
• 1 smallish onion, chopped
  
• 1 green pepper, chopped
  
• garlic (1tbsp?)
  
• 1lb collard greens, stems removed, chopped coarsely.
  
• 3c chicken stock (or veg, if you don't like flavor)
  
• 1-2 tomatoes, chopped
  
• Salt and pepper
  

In a large pot, saute the pepper and onion until the onion is translucent, then add the garlic and go another minute or so. Throw in the (well cleaned) collard greens and the stock. Bring to a simmer and cover, leaving for about 30 minutes. Fish everything out and toss with the tomatoes.

Thoughts: This recipe was adapted ONLY SLIGHTLY from a recipe by Sunny Anderson, but I have to say: way too liquidy. In the future, I might add 1/2c of stock, let it steam the collard greens, and add more only if it's needed. As such we had to pour it through a strainer. Probably we'll use the stock again at some point, but I would rather we didn't have to. Other than that, it was pretty delicious. It may have been our first time having collard greens, but we would definitely do it again.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Creamed (?) patty pan squash

Ingredients

• 4 small/medium patty pan squashes
• 2 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp water
• 2 cloves garlic
• lots of pepper
• lots of basil
• moderate amount of salt
• 1 tbsp flour
• 1/2 cup sour cream
  
• Parmesan cheese, to garnish

Scrub the squashes. Using a box grater (or cuisinart, if you prefer), grate the squashes (using the largest holes on the grater). Set aside.
In a large pan with a tight-fitting lid, heat the butter, water, garlic, basil, salt, and pepper. When the butter is melted and the seasonings are incorporated, add the squash. Cook on high heat, covered, until the squash is tender, around 5 minutes. You might want to drain off any excess liquid after this (squashes are generally quite watery).
Meanwhile, mix the sour cream and flour together until the flour is incorporated. Add into the squash and keep on heat until thoroughly incorporated.
Remove from heat. Sprinkle with Parmesan.
We recommend that you serve this atop some crostini brushed with olive oil. It is delicious.

Thoughts: This dish could definitely have used more seasoning, though I'm not sure what I would add. With the seasonings we used, it tasted pretty much like pasta. You could essentially pretend that you were eating pasta. Maybe it was the Parmesan cheese on top. Maybe substitute the water for dry white wine/vermouth? Maybe add mushrooms? Dan also thinks we could replace the sour cream with yogurt, which is probably true. We'll give it a shot. It's a work in progress.

Disaster Index: 2/10

Cheese grits

Courtesy of Alton Brown

Ingredients

• 2 cups whole milk (you may need more)
• 2 cups water
• 1.5 tsp salt
• 1 cup cornmeal
• 1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter
• 4 ounces cheddar cheese, grated/shredded

Place the milk, water, and salt in a large pot over medium/high heat and bring to a boil. Stir often, so that the milk does not burn. You don't want that.
Once the milk mixture comes to a boil, gradually add the cornmeal while continually whisking. Be careful with this step, because this is when clumps are most likely to form. It might be helpful to use two people for this one, so that one person can whisk violently while the other person delicately sifts the cornmeal into the milk. Whatever.
Once all the cornmeal has been incorporated, decrease the heat to low and cover.
Remove lid and whisk frequently (every 3-4 minutes) to prevent grits from sticking and clumping. You may find that you need to add more liquid. We couldn't bring ourselves to add more whole milk, so we added skim (about 1/2 cup total), and that worked fine.
Cook for 20-25 minutes, until mixture is creamy.
Remove from heat, add the pepper and butter, and whisk to combine. Once the butter is melted, gradually whisk in the cheese a little at a time. Serve immediately.

VARIATION: Add some steamed corn into the grits. It is delicious. I highly recommend it.

Thoughts: Fantastic. The grits sort of have a subtle flavor, but it is a delicious flavor. I can't really imagine them without cheese, but we'll try some variations later, I imagine. Again, we have some pretty major clumps in ours because we didn't add the cornmeal slowly enough, but with some frantic whisking, we managed to make them unnoticeable. Just be careful on this one. Don't eat too much of this in one sitting, or you'll become a fatty. To be completely honest, it pairs nicely with Sauvignon Blanc. How dare you doubt me? Try it.

Disaster index: 1/10

Apple Upside-Down Cake

Success!
Ingredients

• Topping
  
  
  
  • 1/2 stick unsalted butter
    
  • 4 apples
    
  • 2/3c brown sugar
    
  • 2tsp juice from a lemon
    
  • possibly some corn starch
    
  
  
• Cake
  
  
  
  • 1c unbleached all-purpose flour
    
  • 1tbsp cornmeal
    
  • 1tsp baking powder
    
  • 1/2tsp salt
    
  • 3/4c granulated sugar
    
  • 1/4c brown sugar
    
  • 2 eggs
    
  • 3/4 stick unsalted butter, melted and cooled
    
  • 1/2c sour cream
    
  • 1tsp vanilla extract
    
  
  

Cut the apples in half and cut out the core area. Cut two of the apples into 1/2" slices, and two of the apples into 1/4" slices (keep separate). Heat the 1/2 stick of butter in a sauce pan until the foaming subsides (takes a few minutes). Then add the 1/2" slices of apple. Let those cook until they start to caramelize, 4-6 minutes. Only stir a few times during those 4-6 minutes to turn the apples - they'll caramelize a lot more easily if you leave them alone. Now add the remaining topping ingredients (the brown sugar, lemon juice, and other apples). Stir until the sugar dissolves and apples are coated - about a minute. Transfer the apples into a 9" round cake pan. We used a HEAVILY GREASED springform with a layer of parchment paper on the bottom. I would also recommend putting a layer of foil around the bottom of the springform to catch leaks. In our try, the apples gave off a lot of water. So we spooned JUST the apples into the pan, then put the brown-sugar, butter, and lemon-juice mixture back on the stove and added corn starch (dissolved in some cold water first) and cooked until it thickened considerably. Then we spooned this over the top of the apples in the cake pan.

Meanwhile, whisk together the flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt. In another bowl, mix together the sugars and eggs until homogenized. Slowly whisk in the butter, then the sour cream and vanilla until just combined. Add the flour and whisk until combined. Then pour the batter over the apples. Bake at 350* for 35-40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Cool for 10-20 minutes. Run a paring knife around the edge to loosen it, then invert onto a plate (good luck - use oven mitts or let it cool more if you can't do it). Cool a little longer - 20 more minutes? Then serve.

Thoughts: Claire and I were surprised by how relatively un-seasoned this cake is, but it was really delicious. We made it for breakfast, but it's probably more of a desert. In the future, Claire says she could use more seasoning, but I disagree. Some of the apples were a little crisper than either of us thought they would be, so maybe next time I will cook the apples a little longer before we add them to the cake pan. The original recipe has us peeling the apples, but I didn't notice it and my cake turned out delicious so I don't think I would peel them in the future.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Better Granola

Based on a recipe called "Seven Year Granola" I came across through the Kitchn blog.
Ingredients

• 2/3 lb quick oats, 1/3lb rolled oats
  
• whatever nuts you have on hand (up to 3c)
  
• 1tsp cinnamon
  
• 1/2tsp ground cardamom
  
• 1/2tsp ground mace (or replace all of the seasonings with a little less than 2tsp Penzy's Baking Spice mix, like we did)
  
• 1c dark brown sugar
  
• 1 stick unsalted butter
  
• 1/3c water
  
• 1/2tsp salt
  
• 2tsp vanilla extract
  
• a bunch of raisins or other dried fruit
  

Preheat oven to 300*F. In a cuisinart, grind 1/2 lb of quick oats into a fine powder. In a large bowl, mix all the oats (and oat flour you just made), the nuts, seeds, and spices, and set aside. In a small sauce pan, add the butter, water, and brown sugar, and heat until the butter has melted. Take off the heat and add the salt and vanilla and stir to dissolve. Pour this over the oats and nuts mixture, stirring until everything is uniformly damp. If you can't get everything damp, add a little extra water and stir some more. Let it stand for 10 minutes.

Spread the mixture evenly over a large baking dish, and then make several divisions with a spatula or something so that it's more like a series of clumps of granola. The basic idea is that you want to expose a little more surface area to the dry oven air so that you can get more clumps in the finished product. Bake for ~30 minutes, or until the top is golden brown. Remove from oven and gently stir the mixture around. This will break the mixture into slightly smaller chunks. This is OK. return to the oven and bake for another 15 minutes. Repeat this step (mixing and baking) until the granola is dry. Then set it out on a counter to cool. Once it reaches more or less room temperature, add all the dried fruit.

Thoughts: This granola is unique among the granolas we have made in the past insofar as it actually has CLUMPS of granola. Awesome! Personally, I could use to adjust the seasoning somewhat, and next time I will probably want to use more rolled oats and less butter. I hypothesize that the oat flour is responsible for getting things to stick together, so I can reduce the fat content a little and it'll be fine. We'll see. Otherwise, this is fantastic. Claire and I agree that it's probably the best granola we've made.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Two Coffee Drinks for Summer

One is based on something I had in Florence that the cafe in question called a "cappuccino freddo". The other is basically frappuccino. I should note: if you are in Florence, be aware that not every cafe has a cappuccino freddo. I asked for it at one place and they gave me something I did not want.

Anyway, for both, you first need cold-brewed coffee. Just combine coffee grounds and cold water in a jar at a ratio of about 1:4. It's a lot of coffee grounds. Seal the jar and shake vigorously. Set it on the counter for about 12-24 hours. I come by and give it a shake every now and again during that time, but it's probably not necessary. At the end of that time, strain it through a coffee filter (or in our case, a sieve with a paper towel) into another jar. Refrigerate.

Cappuccino Freddo
Put some coffee in a cup. Put the same amount of milk in a milk frothing device (I have this thing that's basically a french press that froths the milk by pushing it through the little strainer...). Add about two teaspoons sugar or brown sugar (more or less depending on your tastes) to the milk and stir until it's more or less dissolved. Froth the milk and pour over the coffee. Enjoy.

Frappuccino
Mix 1 part coffee to 3 parts milk (depending on the strength of your brew it could be more or less). Add sugar to taste - about 2 tbsp for 4 cups of liquid is close to the ratio we used.

Thoughts: Cold-brew coffee is different from normal coffee. As I understand it, different aeromatic compounds are released at different temperatures. Cold-brew yields something with very strong coffee notes without much bitterness. It's perfect for cold coffee drinks.

The drinks are great. I really like the cappuccino freddo, personally, because there's just a lot going on there with so few ingredients. The difference in sweetness between the frothy milk and the coffee makes it very enjoyable to drink. Claire likes the frappuccino, by contrast. We make it a little less sweet than the store-bought stuff, and we can use skim milk. So it's healthier, less cloying, and WAY cheaper.

Disaster Indeces: 1/10 all around.

Sausage and Swiss Chard Lasagna

Ingredients

• 1 lb Italian sausage (casings removed), chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced or chopped or whatever
• 1 can tomatoes (14.5 oz) - we used "fire roasted," which worked really well
• 2 tsp dried basil
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1.5 tsp salt
• 10-12 lasagna noodles
• 1 16-oz package of shredded mozzarella cheese
  
• 1 container ricotta cheese (1.75 cups)
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 2 tbsp dried parsley
• 2 eggs
• 1-2 ozs chevre cheese (we used herb & garlic chevre)
• 1/4 fresh basil, shredded
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1 (large) bunch swiss chard, bottom inch of stalks removed
  
• 1 yellow summer squash
• 6 oz frozen spinach

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Brown the sausage over medium-low heat until it's pretty cooked through. Add the garlic, tomatoes, dried basil, dried oregano, and 1.5 tsp salt. Simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes. You can add some water to it if it gets too thick. Remove from heat.
Boil some pasta water in a large pot and cook the lasagna noodles in batches.
In the meantime, saute the onions over medium-high heat until almost translucent.
While you're sauteing the onions, prepare the Swiss chard. This is how you do it:
remove the stalks from the leaves and chop the stalks into smallish pieces. Chiffonade the leaves.
When the onions are almost translucent, add the stalks of the Swiss chard. Cover and cook for around 8 minutes, or until the stalks are tender, stirring occasionally. When tender, remove the onion/chard mix from the heat and set aside.
Take the chard leaves and add them to a smallish pot with the 6 oz. of frozen spinach (which you need to thaw ahead of time. Do it now if you haven't yet.). Cook the chard leaves and spinach, covered, over low heat. Add a few tablespoons of water to facilitate wilting. Cook for 5 minutes, or until wilted. Remove from heat and mix with the onion/chard mixture.
In a large bowl, mix ricotta, mozzarella, eggs, fresh basil, dried parsley, Parmesan, and some salt. Mix thoroughly. When the onion/chard/spinach mixture has cooled a little, add it into the cheese mixture and mix thoroughly.
Wash the summer squash and chop off the ends. Slice length-wise into sheets and grill until softened.
Now assemble the lasagna:
Coat the bottom of a glass lasagna with olive oil.
Put as many noodles as you'd like on the bottom. Put a layer of tomato/sausage mix on the noodles. Then add a layer of yellow squash. Then add a layer of the cheese/vegetable mixture. Then more noodles, then more tomato sauce, then more squash, then more cheese/vegetables, and then a final layer of noodles. On top of that we drizzled some olive oil and then the chevre.
Put in the oven and cook for 30-40 minutes.

Thoughts: Delicious. We based this loosely on a recipe we found online, and then added all sorts of stuff (swiss chard, spinach, yellow squash, chevre, onions, fresh basil). The flavor was fantastic. Maybe it was the sausage, maybe it was the swiss chard, maybe it was the yellow squash, but either way, it was fantastic. We didn't have as much tomato sauce as I would have liked, so we didn't get to put a layer of tomato sauce on top of the whole concoction. So next time I would have added another can of tomatos or something. I don't know. Fantastic.

Disaster Index:1/10

Blueberry-cranberry bars

Ingredients

• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 3 cups white flour
• 2 sticks of butter, chilled
• 1 egg
• 1/4 tsp salt
• juice from one lemon (and zest, if you have it. We didn't)
• 2 cups fresh blueberries
  
• 2 cups fresh cranberries
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 4 tsp cornstarch

Preheat oven to 375.
In a medium bowl, mix the cup of sugar, the flour, and the baking powder together. Mix in the salt (and lemon zest, if you have it). Cut the butter into small chunks. Little by little, add the chunks to the dry ingredients and squish them with your fingers (this technique also used to make Scottish scones ) so that the butter gradually incorporates into the flour mixture. This may take a while. Do it until all the butter is mixed in and the mixture has the texture of wet sand.
Dough should be pretty crumbly. There's a LOT of butter in here.
Take half of the mixture and spread it on the bottom of your glass pan (we used 9"x 13"). Tamp it down as well as you can.
In another bowl, stir the cornstarch, lemon juice, and sugar together. Gently add the blueberries and the cranberries (I usually chop the cranberries in half because it makes them more manageable to eat. But you can probably put them in whole if you'd like). Stir to combine.
Spoon the fruit mixture over the crust in the pan.
Sprinkle the other half of the dough over the top, crumble fashion.
Bake for 45 minutes, or until top is golden brown. Eat.

Thoughts: Delicious. And VERY buttery. Next time I would probably use 1.5 sticks of butter and see how it goes. I don't think it really needed 2 whole sticks. The original recipe called for just blueberries, but I thought the cranberries were a nice addition - they lend a little tiny bit of tang that is quite refreshing. I would store them in the fridge, but I would also take them out and let them warm up a little before eating them (maybe 10-15 minutes?), because the flavors really come out when the bars are a little warmer. Dan says "good ratio of berries to crust" and "fantastic flavor." Plus they were super easy to make. I like that the same dough is used for the crust and the topping. This is not always the case.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Cowboy Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 stick butter, softened
  
• 1/2c vegetable oil
  
• 1c granulated sugar
  
• 1c dark brown sugar
  
• 2 eggs
  
• 1tsp vanilla extract (or 1/2tsp of double strength)
  
• 2c whole wheat flour
  
• 1tsp baking soda
  
• 3/4tsp salt
  
• 1/2tsp baking powder
  
• 2c rolled oats
  
• 1/2c golden raisins, plumped in some boiling water for 5 minutes and drained.
  
• 1c chocolate chips
  
• 3/4c coconut
  
• 3/4tsp cinnamon
  

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, cream together the butter, oil, and sugars. Add the eggs and vanilla and continue beating until well mixed. Add the remaining ingredients and stir well. Add a few tbsp of water if necessary.

Spoon onto a cookie sheet in approximately 1.5 tbsp portions. Bake until done - in our oven about 20 minutes.

Thoughts: Delicious. This recipe was based on one we found on food network, but we modified it slightly to fit what we had/needed to use up and what we wanted. It worked wonderfully, although the bake time is quite long. If you take them out at the right time, though, they're perfectly chewy, not dry at all. Nice texture, too. Not much to say except that they're really great. Wouldn't do a thing differently next time.

Disaster index: 1/10

Cranberry Orange Scones

Ingredients

• 2.5 cups flour
• 1/2 cup sugar (plus 3 tbsp, if using fresh cranberries, which you should be doing)
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 6 tbsp cold unsalted butter, chopped into small pieces
• 1.25 cups chopped fresh cranberries (or dried, if you must)
• 1 large egg
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1 cup whole milk
• 2 tsp orange extract

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Line a large sheet with parchment or wax paper.
In a food processor, pulse the flour, 1/2 cup sugar, baking powder, salt, and butter together until it resembles a coarse meal. Set aside in a large bowl.
In a small bowl, toss the chopped cranberries together with the 3 tbsp sugar until thoroughly coated. Stir into flour mixture.
In another small bowl, beat together the egg and egg yolk. Stir in the milk and the orange extract. Add the whole mess into the flour/cranberry mixture and work together with your hands until well-incorporated.
On a well-floured surface, and using well-floured hands, pat the dough into a 1" thickness. You'll probably have to add more flour. I swear, I had to add like, 2 more cups of flour to make this not sticky. Using a cookie cutter about 2" diameter, cut the dough out into rounds.
Place rounds on the cookie sheet and bake in oven for 15-20 minutes, or until golden.
Eat.

Thoughts: These came out a little flat (topologically, not flavor-wise). I'm not sure why -- maybe add some leavening? I don't know. I think these could have used more cranberry and more orange extract. Also, it was a great idea to use fresh cranberries; they add a really nice tartness that you can't get with dried cranberries. I'm wondering if we can use our griddle scone recipe as a base, and still add blueberries or cranberries. Would they cook sufficiently on the griddle? Stay tuned. Daniel really liked the texture. I wish they had been a little more fluffy and puffy, but what can you do?

Disaster Index: 3/10

Update: We tried the suggestions in "thoughts", using the Scottish scones as a base and using both blueberries AND cranberries. Much improved. 1/10. Would bake again.

Brioche

Yes.

Ingredients

• 2tbsp honey
  
• 2.25tsp yeast
  
• 1c whole milk
  
• 4tbsp olive oil
  
• 2 eggs
  
• 2tsp salt
  
• about 4.5c flour, plus or minus.
  
• 2tbsp lavender
  
• Chocolate chips
  
• Glaze:
  
  
  
  • 1 egg yolk
    
  • 1tbsp milk
    
  • 1tbsp sugar
    
  
  

Mix together the dough ingredients (including the lavender) but exclude the chocolate chips. When it's starting to come together, turn it out onto a WELL floured counter and knead for about 5 minutes. Put it back into a bowl and toss together with some olive oil. Cover and set in a warm, humid place to rise (a microwave with a cup of boiling water makes a great rising chamber). Rise until doubled, about 1 hour.

Take out the dough and punch down. Divide into twelfths (I cut it in half twice to get fourths, and then divided each of those fourths in three to get twelfths). For each ball of dough, press your thumbs into one side and pull taught the other side (so you get a nice rounded surface), folding the edges into the center. Once one side is nice and taught, take a few chocolate chips (8-12) and put them together on the non-taught side. Pull the dough from the edges of the disc and pinch over the chocolate. The idea is basically to have a nice round ball enclosing a pouch of chocolate chips. The bottom of the dough (the non-taught side) doesn't need to look pretty.

Do this with each ball of dough and set on a baking sheet. Cover with a towel to rise for another 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400 while you wait. Also, mix together all the glaze ingredients.

When the final rise is done, brush each bun with the glaze. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until nice and golden brown on top.

Thoughts: Claire was unsure about the olive oil, but I really liked the interesting flavor it imparted. Maybe - MAYBE next time we'll use a neutral oil. The chocolate we used was Guittard, and it was pretty great. Very vanilla-y, which complemented the aromatic qualities of the lavender and olive oil. The original recipe used only 1tsp of yeast and had an initial rise of 12-20 hours. I'll be honest - I think I like my way better. Anyway, these were JUST delicious. They don't require anything else. Just eat them plain. As a note: the recipe says to reheat them you should bake them at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. Sounds kind of excessive to me, but we might find out.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Dirty Rice

Ingredients

• 2 cups extra long grain rice
• 4 cups chicken stock
• 4 cloves minced garlic
• 1.5 cups diced white onion
• 1 cup diced green pepper
• vegetable oil
• salt and pepper
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 hot sausage, chopped and quartered
• 1/4 lb ground pork
• 1 bunch green onion, chopped

Cook the rice: rinse rice in cold water several times (about 6) until the water runs completely clear. Place rice in pot and add chicken stock. Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Do NOT stir. You will mess it up.
Meanwhile, saute the garlic, onion, and green pepper in the vegetable oil until soft (15 minutes). Add the salt, pepper, oregano, and cayenne. Mix well.
Add this mixture to the cooked rice. Stir.
Cook the meat together in another pan and then add it into the rice.
Turn heat to low, and cook for another 10 minutes. Eat.

Thoughts: This was pretty delicious. In retrospect, the rice was a little more mushy than I like - we cooked it according to the directions in the recipe, rather than using our own failsafe method, which usually yields less mushy rice. So in the future, we will use that method, and then rather than adding the various ingredients into the rice and stirring over and over again, we're just going to cook the vegetables and meet together, and then put it all in with the rice at the last minute. This will also decrease the mushiness of the rice. I thought that the rice: stuff ratio was a little off. I would have preferred more stuff to rice. Also, this recipe can feed like, 12 people, so we'll also halve the recipe next time we make it.

Disaster Index: 2/10

Dan Dan Mian - Sesame Noodles

Two variations in as many nights.
Ingredients

• 2tbsp dark soy sauce
  
• 2tbsp peanut oil
  
• 3tbsp chopped garlic
  
• 2tbsp chopped ginger
  
• 4tbsp chopped scallions
  
• 2tbsp peanut butter or sesame paste (tahini)
  
• 1tbsp sesame oil
  
• 8oz chicken stock (or veg)
  
• 3/4lb soba noodles
  
• salt and brown sugar or honey to taste
  
• VARIATION: 1tbsp black vinegar
  
• 2tsp sambal olek / chili paste
  

set some water to boil. In a separate pot, add the peanut oil and cook the garlic, ginger, and scallions until aromatic, about a minute. Add all the other ingredients (except for the soba, of course) and let simmer for 5-7 minutes. In the mean time, cook the soba (doesn't take long). Drain the soba and toss together with the sauce. Done!

Thoughts: I did this recipe a day later, but used sesame paste instead of peanut butter. I left out the chicken stock (opting instead for just some water to loosen the sauce) and added some black vinegar. In both instances, we had to sweeten the recipe with a little honey or brown sugar. The original recipe called for caramelizing some pork that you mix in later. This would probably contribute the necessary sweetness just as well, actually, but we're saving the pork for another recipe. All in all, I think that we have the basics of a good recipe here. We just need to tweak it a little to get the flavors right. It shouldn't be TOO sweet, but it needs a LITTLE sweetness. Can't be TOO salty either. I'm not QUITE sure what this recipe needs, but it's pretty good already.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Tiramisu

Pick me up.
Ingredients

• 3 large eggs, separated
  
• 3/4c granulated sugar
  
• big pinch of salt
  
• 3/4lb mascarpone cheese
  
• 20 lady-fingers
  
• a pot of espresso or similarly strong coffee - we used about 4-8oz
  
• 3oz semisweet chocolate, grated coarsely
  
• ~1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa
  
• 1 bread pan
  

Separate the eggs so you have three egg whites in one big metal bowl and two egg yolks in another large-ish bowl. You can do whatever you want with the third yolk - we don't need it*. Add the sugar to the yolks and beat until they turn pale and creamy. Now, with a clean, dry whisk, beat the egg whites with the pinch of salt until they form stiff peaks. THIS TAKES SOME ARM MUSCLE. Seriously. Throw the mascarpone in with the yolks and beat together. Now FOLD the whites in with the yolk mixture.

Now is the assembly. Just put 1/3 of the egg mixture into the bottom of the bread pan and spread evenly with a spatula. Put 1/2 the grated chocolate over it. Now, dip the lady fingers one at a time in the coffee and lay them out across the mixture until you've more or less covered the layer. In our bread pan, this takes 10 lady fingers (hence 20 in the ingredients) but depending on the size of pan, you could be looking at more or fewer. Feel free to spoon a little extra coffee over the lady fingers if you think they could use to soak up more, but be careful - if you dip them too long, they start to crumble in your hands right away. Better to play it safe, I would say, and just spoon a little extra on afterward.

After that layer, put 1/2 of what remains of the egg mixture (1/3 of the original amount if you're keeping track of the math here) and spread that evenly across. Add the remaining grated chocolate, another layer of lady fingers, and then the remainder of the egg mixture. Now sprinkle the cocoa powder evenly across the top (I recommend using a fine mesh sieve - put the cocoa in it and then tap the side to release the cocoa pretty evenly - it's just like sifting flour).

Chill for minimum 4 hours before serving. Serves 6.

*I'd consider adding it anyway

Thoughts: This was an amalgam of two recipes, actually - one we found online and one we found in a cookbook kicking around here. The flavor was FANTASTIC, but I'm afraid the texture was a little softer than I had expected. I think that one thing that would help is if the lady-fingers were a little spongier and a little less brittle. When they soaked up the liquid, they were just falling apart. Second of all, the custard (if I may call it that even though it is not, strictly speaking, a custard) was also softer than we had anticipated. This could be related to the egg whites. I think in the future, it would be advisable to use some cream of tartar in the preparation of the egg whites to get some stiffer peaks. This might help thicken up the custard. Second of all, I could use more mascarpone to egg ratio - that, too, might thicken it a little. Also, I would add a bit less sugar to the custard. I thought it bordered on too sweet. I would use just 1/2 cup next time. Personal preference, I guess. Finally, we could kick up the espresso flavor (if we wanted) with a little instant espresso powder. I would go easy on it, but it could potentially improve the flavors. Just an idea. Maybe if I used the espresso powder I would use full sugar just to even it out?

In the end, though, this was delicious and REALLY easy, except for whipping the egg whites. I would DEFINITELY make this again.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Cream of Asparagus Soup

Spargel Saison!

Ingredients

• 1 medium onion OR 3 medium shallots OR 1 medium leek (washed well, white and light green parts only, chopped finely)
• 1 tsp vegetable oil
• salt
• 3 garlic cloves
• 1 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup dry white wine (we used Vermouth)
• 1 bay leaf
• 3 cups chicken broth (or vegetable, if you must)
  
• 2 bunches asparagus, tough ends removed, and cut into 1/2 inch lengths
• 1/2 cup half-and-half
• ground black pepper
• VARIATION: 3 SLICES COOKED BACON
• VARIATION: CRUMBLED GORGONZOLA
  

Combine the onion, oil, and 1/2 tsp salt in a large saucepan. Cover and cook over medium-low heat, stirring often, until softened, about 8-10 minutes.
Stir in the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute.
Whisk in the wine and bay leaf. Cook until wine is absorbed, about 1 minute.
Whisking constantly, add the broth.
Bring to a oil over medium-high heat. Cover, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer until the broth is slightly thickened and no longer tastes like flour (5 minutes).
Add the asparagus and continue to simmer, uncovered, until tender, 7-10 minutes.
Remove the bay leaf.
Puree the mixture in batches in a blender until smooth.
Return to saucepan. Stir in the half-and-half and cook over low heat until just hot (don't boil).
Season with salt and pepper to taste.
If using variations, add the chop the cooked bacon slices and stir in. Top with Gorgonzola cheese.
Eat.

Thoughts: Fantastic soup. And easy to make. And if you don't like your soups too healthy, go ahead and add the bacon and Gorgonzola. Let me tell you, it makes it so much better. There should not be any dish without bacon. Let me say that. Dan says that he's not sure that the bacon did much for him. So APPARENTLY bacon isn't for everyone. But without those two variations, the soup is ridiculously healthy. The only questionable thing in there is the half-and-half, and there's only 1/2 cup for the entire recipe. Not too shabby. I would definitely make this again.

Disaster Index: 1/10. Full marks!

Update: We made this recently, but instead of 2 bunches of asparagus we did 1 bunch asparagus and an equal proportion of kale, washed and chopped. It went well - the soup was quite good. If you don't have enough asparagus, kale works very well. Then I decided that I wanted to stir the blue cheese into the soup directly rather than in individual servings, and this was... less successful. Lesson learned. You can season the soup with some dill. See what you think.

Chicken and Tomatillo Chimichangas

Ingredients

• 8 small skinless chicken thighs
• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 2 onions, finely chopped
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp ground coriander
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp ground cloves
• scant 2 cups drained canned tomatillos (12 oz can works fine)
• 14 oz cooked pinto beans (also from can is fine)
• several large tortillas
• several ounces of grated pepper jack cheese
  
• oil, for frying
• salt and pepper

Thaw chicken. Put in a large pan, and add water to cover. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer for 10 minutes or until the chicken is cooked. You can go ahead and skim the schmaltz off the top if you want.
Remove the chicken, transfer to a plate, let cool, then shred. We usually use two large forks for this business.
Heat the oil in a frying pan. Fry onions until translucent, then add the garlic and spices and cook for 3 more minutes. Add the tomatillos and beans. Cook over moderate heat for another 5 minutes. Make sure to be stirring constantly throughout this whole process. It gets pretty sticky.
Add the chicken and the seasoning (salt and pepper, in this case).
Heat the tortillas in a microwave until they're very pliable. This is important. They cannot be chilly or room temperature. They must be either warm or hot.
Spoon a smallish amount of the filling into the center of the tortilla and sprinkle the grated cheese on top. It should take up about 1/4-1/5 of the tortilla.
Fold in the sides, followed by the top and the bottom. Secure with a cocktail stick or a skewer or something. This is actually sort of tricky. Just improvise.
Heat the oil in a frying pan and fry the chimichangas in batches until they're crisp. They should get a nice golden color. If the cooked part is pretty dark and the rest of the tortilla is still white, the heat is too high. Turn it down.
Remove them from oil, drain on paper towel, and eat.

Thoughts: Absolutely delicious. I think they could have used a little more salt (possibly in the form of chicken stock). They were pretty easy to make though. I think we should have gotten bigger tortillas. We got small ones, but like, fajita or burrito-sized tortillas would have been better. It was pretty difficult to get them to fold up completely, and even more difficult securing them with a skewer or cocktail stick. Just be prepared for this. They are delicious for breakfast also. Also, we had WAY more filling than we knew what to do with. We only had enough tortillas for half the filling. I would go ahead and use fewer chicken thighs. You could probably go ahead and cut that number in half and you would be fine. Also Dan thought it could probably use some more cheese. He also thinks a mole sauce would work well with it. We actually have some mole sauce in the back of our fridge, but at this point, I wouldn't go near it. Cilantro would also be a good addition. Dan also says maybe we could put zucchini in it, but I'm not convinced.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Fruit Cobbler

An interesting, lazy, twist on classic cobbler.

Ingredients

• 16 ounces of frozen berries, thawed (NOTE: WE DID NOT THAW FIRST)
• 2 tbsp powdered sugar (NOTE: WE USED GRANULATED)
• 2 cups pancake mix
• 1 cup whole milk
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 tbsp powdered sugar
  
• Butter for baking dish.
  

Preheat oven to 375.
Butter an 8 or 10 inch baking dish - either is fine.
Add the berries and 1.5 tbsp of the sugar to the dish and toss.
In a large bowl, combine the pancake mix, milk, and eggs until no lumps remain.
Pour the batter over the berries.
Bake until the crust is golden and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 30 minutes (NOTE: WE BAKED IT FOR MUCH LONGER).
Remove from oven.
Let cool for 5 minutes.
Sprinkle with the remaining 1/2 tbsp powdered sugar. Eat.

Thoughts: This was pretty easy to make, and it would have been easier if we had actually thawed the berries like they asked. But I was like "oh whatever, they'll melt in the oven." Yes. They certainly did. And they made the inside all soggy so we had to bake and rebake the thing like, 3 times. So we ended up cooking it for like, an hour total. It was ridiculous. But that was our own fault. As a consequence, the texture was probably not what it should have been. It looked like white cake with berries underneath. I don't know. I didn't really like it, but both Dan and Erin thought it was good. Once you get yourself a piece and sort of mix everything around, it's good I guess. Dan thought it was too acidic. But he doens't like things like raspberries and strawberries and blackberries for just that reason. So I don't know. You can substitute any sort of fruit filling in this cobbler.

Disaster Index:4.5/10 tolerable.

Hot Cross Buns with Dried Cherries and Golden Raisins

Ingredients
This recipe was again taken from Martha Stewart. Its subsequent complexity should therefore surprise no one.

• 1 cup plus 3 tbsp plus 2 tsp whole milk
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 4.5 tsp active dry yeast
• 1/5 sticks unsalted butter, melted and cooled, plus more for bowl and baking sheet
• salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 5.5 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for surface
• 3/4 cup chopped dried cherries
• 3/4 cup chopped dried golden raisins
• 1 large egg white
• 1 tbsp water
• 2 cups confectioner's sugar
• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

Heat 1 cup milk in a small saucepan over medium heat until it registers 110 on a candy thermometer.
Pour milk into a mixer bowl, and fit mixer with a dough hook.
With mixer on slow speed, add the granulated sugar, the yeast, the butter, 1.5 tsp of the salt, the nutmeg, the cinnamon, and the eggs.
Add flour, 1 cup at a time, and knead until mixture comes together in a soft, sticky dough.
Continue kneading until dough is smooth, about 4 minutes.
Add cherries and raisins, and knead to incorporate.
Remove dough from mixer and turn out onto a floured surface. Knead to further distribute dried fruit.
Coat a large bowl with PAM. Shape dough into ball and place in prepared bowl. Cover with saran wrap.
Do the microwave trick, and then put the bowl in the microwave and let rise until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
PAM a rimmed baking sheet. Turn dough onto a floured surface, knead briefly, then divide the dough into three equal pieces. You'll be working with one piece at a time, so just keep the other two under the plastic wrap.
Divide each of the three pieces into 10 pieces, and shape each into a tight ball.
Place on prepared baking sheet, spacing them 1/2 inch apart.
Repeat with all the remaining dough. If you don't have 3 baking sheets than I guess you're screwed. Just be creative.
Cover the sheets with plastic wrap and put them somewhere warm and let them rise for another 1. You could put one sheet in the microwave, and the other two in a warm oven. That's what we did. Just make sure the oven isn't TOO warm.
After an hour has elapsed, remove the sheets from their respective warm places.
Preheat the oven to 375. Whisk together the egg white and water in a small bowl. Brush tops of buns with egg-white wash. This will cause them to deflate a little. It's ok.
Bake, rotating sheet halfway through, until golden brown, 20-22 minutes.
Let cool on sheet for 30 minutes.

For the frosting:
Whisk together the remaining 3 tbsp plus 2 tsp whole milk, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and a pinch of salt. Spoon the icing into a pastry bag (if you're FANCY) or just a normal ziploc bag with a small corner cut off. Pipe icing in whatever pattern you want across the top of the buns.
Eat.

Thoughts: This recipe was way too complicated to make. I probably wouldn't make it again. Also, Martha says that the buns are best eaten the same day, and boy howdy, she's right. They get hella dry. And we obviously couldn't eat them all in the same day, because there were 30 fucking buns and there are only 2 of us. Why didn't I halve the recipe? Or even quarter it? I don't know. Just keep that in mind. ON THE OTHER HAND, if you can't use them all in one day and they get dry and stale, just make them into French toast. Cut the buns in half and then soak them in the custard. Sweet Jesus, it's delicious. So at least they won't go to waste.
Otherwise they were pretty good. I guess you're supposed to make them for Easter? I did not know this. I suppose you could pipe crosses on the buns or something (probably why they're called hot CROSS buns). Or you could pipe rude and obnoxious messages to your friends on them. Or lewd images. You get to decide how much you want to offend God.

Disaster Index: 3/10

Pasta with Broccoli-Herb cream sauce

Ingredients

• 1/2 pound pasta (we used radiatore)
• 1 cup cherry tomatoes, sliced in half (or quarters, if you want to be fancy)
  
• 1 cup chopped broccoli, steamed
  
• 1 oz chevre
• 3 tbsp chopped chives
• 1/2 cup skim milk
• 3 tbsp dried parsley
• 1/4-1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
  
• salt and pepper, to taste

Boil water and cook the pasta. Set aside.
Steam the broccoli in a pot until it is tender. Add the chevre and the milk, and cook on low-ish heat until the chevre has melted.
Add the chives, parsley, and fresh basil. Stir until well-incorporated.
Simmer. When the milk has thickened a little, remove the sauce from heat and transfer it to a blender. Blend until smooth.
Add salt and pepper to taste. Mix with pasta and top with cherry tomatoes. Eat.

Thoughts: You'll probably need to add a reasonable amount of salt to the sauce, but other than that, delicious. Just fantastic. And you get your vegetables too. I hate eating whole vegetables with my pasta because it ruins the pasta. But if you chop everything up and put it in a sauce, it's like you aren't eating vegetables at all, and that's something we can all get behind.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Quesadillas with prosciutto, smoked Gouda, and caramelized onions.

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp butter
• 1/2 small white onion, finely sliced
• 1/2 small red onion, finely sliced
• splash of balsamic vinegar
• 1.5-2 cups grated smoked Gouda
  
• however many tortillas you want to use; 2 tortillas makes 1 quesadilla, and so forth. We used 3, and made 1.5 quesadillas. Mostly because we just used what we had in the fridge. Whatever.
• 2 ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped
• 1 cup cilantro, chopped
  

Melt the 2 tbsp butter in a pan over medium high or high heat. Add the onions and balsamic vinegar and cook until they're brown and caramelized, about 10-15 minutes. Remove from heat.
We used a non-stick griddle for making the quesadillas, but you could also use a flat-bottomed pan as well, if you don't have a griddle.
Heat the griddle to about 300 degrees.
Begin assembling the quesadillas: place half the tortillas on the griddle. Add the cheese, prosciutto, and onions. Squish everything down a little so that nothing falls off. Put another tortilla on top and let the bottom tortilla cook and let the cheese melt a little. Flip it over after about 2 minutes. The underside should have brown spots on it. Cook on the other side until the quesadilla is crispy.
Garnish with cilantro.
Suggestion: put apple-cranberry chutney on top. Delicious.

Thoughts: Fantastic. Dan thought it could use more prosciutto next time. I thought it could use less onion - the quesadillas were overflowing with caramelized onion. I highly recommend putting some sort of apple chutney on top - it really pairs well with the smoked Gouda. I don't have much to say about this. It was just a wonderful taste experience. Taste-tastic. If you will.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Irish Beef Stew

This was a bit of a process.
Ingredients

• ~3.5 to 4 lbs of beef. We used rump roast I think? I don't know. There was NOT much fat on it, but the soup was still quite delicious. So I guess I recommend a leaner cut because the soup is healthier? I don't know. Anyway, trim excess fat and cut into rough 1" cubes.
  
• ~6 cloves garlic
  
• 8c beef stock
  
• 1-2tbsp tomato paste
  
• 1tbsp sugar
  
• 3tbsp fresh thyme
  
• 1tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  
• 2 bay leaves
  
  
  
• 2tbsp butter
  
• 5-6 yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cubed (1/2")
  
• 1 large onion, chopped
  
• 3 carrots, peeled and chopped
  
• 2tbsp dried parsley
  
• a little cooking wine
  

Heat a skillet with some high smoke-point oil. Add all the beef and saute until more or less brown on all sides. This could take a while, since there's SO MUCH BEEF. Add the garlic, beef stock, tomato paste, sugar, thyme, Worcestershire sauce, and bay leaves. Bring to a boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer.

Meanwhile, throw all the rest of the ingredients (butter, potatoes, onion, carrot, parsley) into a pot. Saute until the potatoes are just starting to get tender.

Here's the fun part. Combine everything. Done that? Now just let it simmer for about an hour. If you can go for 1.5 or 2 hours, that's probably better. After that time, taste the beef. Is it tender enough for you? Maybe let it go even longer. We went about 1 hour until we got sick of waiting, but the beef was just the right texture. We let it cook a little longer after we ate, and I think the flavors DID get a little better. The leftovers are really great.

Thoughts: NEVER MAKE THIS MUCH SOUP. Half the recipe and you'll be eating soup for a week. I swear. Four pounds of beef and 5 potatoes? What the heck? Anyway, I thought the flavors were really pretty good. In the future, I would try to caramelize the beef AND the vegetables a bit more before combining them. Next time we should make it with some bread, too.

Disaster Index: 1/10 - improves with leftovers

Kosher for Pesach Matzo Balls

As the title suggests, we couldn't do our usual matzo ball soup because we use baking powder to give the matzo balls a little lighter texture. As it would turn out, I liked these more.

Ingredients

• 6 large eggs
  
• 1 stick butter, melted (could probably cut this down / use margarine)
  
• 1.5tsp salt
  
• 1 7/8c matzo meal
  
• a lot of parsley, ground black pepper, and sage
  
• water until it forms a fairly thick dough that can be shaped with the hands
  

Basically, stir everything together in a bowl. Refrigerate about 2 hours or (better) overnight. When the dough comes out of the fridge, it should be at a consistency where you can shape it with your hands into matzo balls. It'll be sticky, though. Fair warning.

Set a big pot of salted water to boil. Or better yet, use some chicken stock (we just used salted water since we had vegetarians.) Form the matzo balls (I used an ice-cream scoop to portion them out and my hands to smooth them), and as you do, drop them into the simmering water. Once you've got them all into the pot, set the water to simmer. Cover and let them cook for about 20 minutes. We may have cooked them longer - after 20 minutes, take one out and cut it in half to see if it's done through all the way.

Later, drop them into some stock with vegetables and serve.

Thoughts: Claire likes the other recipe better. I guess I just grew up eating matzo balls primarily on Passover, so I prefer a denser texture. What I did learn, however, is that the matzo balls work a LOT better generally if you shape them with your hands rather than an ice cream scoop. However good the scoop is, it will leave a few jagged edges and give you more like matzo spaetzle, which NOBODY wants.

Disaster Index: 1/10

Kidneys au Vin Blanc

Ingredients

• 3 tbsp butter
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 garlic clove, chopped
• 5 lamb's kidneys, sliced, with the middle parts removed
• 3 tbsp flour
• salt and pepper
• 2 oz. mushrooms, sliced
• 1 tsp fresh chopped herbs (we used parsley and Italian seasoning)
• 2/3 cup white wine
• 2/3 cup chicken stock
• 3 large tomatoes, skinned, quartered, and seeded
• croutons to garnish

To skin the tomatoes, we blanched them in boiling water for about 30 seconds and then dumped them in an ice bath. The skin came off very easily.
I can't really tell you the best way to prepare kidneys. I didn't know there would be weird tubes and shit on the inside, but there were, and there seemed to be no good way to extricate them. I ended up butchering them pretty bad, as it were. But the preparation doesn't really matter, I don't think. As long as you can remove the middle part, you're good to go.
Melt the butter in a saucepan and add the onion and garlic. Cook until the onion is translucent. Add the mangled kidneys and fry until lightly browned. Don't overcook them! They will get rubbery.
Remove the pan from heat and stir in the flour, herbs, stock, wine, mushrooms, salt, and pepper.
Bring to a boil and simmer for 8-10 minutes.
Add the quartered tomatoes and cook for another 2-3 minutes.
Serve garnished with croutons.

Thoughts: Weird. I feel pretty ambivalent about this recipe. I mean, if you like kidneys, this is a great recipe. The flavor was great and the preparation was super easy. If, however, you've never had kidneys before (like me), I don't know if I can recommend this recipe. Kidneys have a very strong flavor and a texture that's sort of similar to mushrooms. The rest of the recipe was really good, but I'll admit that the kidneys squicked me out. If we were to make this recipe again, I think we would lose the tomatoes. They didn't add much. Dan says the recipe was really weird and that he probably wouldn't make it again. He objected to the scent of uric acid that emanated from the kidneys. But, on the other hand, they were very tender. Maybe because they came from lambs and not sheep.

Disaster Index: This is difficult. I would give it a 1-2/10, but we would never make it again. If you like kidneys, I highly recommend this recipe. Otherwise, don't worry about it.

Edit: Three weeks out and I can still remember exactly what these kidneys tasted like. Very MEMORABLE.

Apple Carrot Cake with Molasses Cream Cheese Icing

Ingredients

Cake

• 1 and 3/4 cup old-fashioned oats
• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 cup unsalted butter, slightly softened
• 2 cups dark brown sugar
• 1.5 cups white sugar
• 4 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1 tbsp rum
• 3 cups flour
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp grated or ground nutmeg
• 2 apples, peeled, cored, and grated
• 4 medium carrots, peeled and grated

Heat the oven to 350.
Combine the oats with the boiling water and set aside until the oats have absorbed the majority of the water.
Beat the butter and sugar together. It will be easiest if you use a kitchenaid for this or something. We did. Cream the butter and sugar together until creamy and smooth. Add the eggs one at a time. Beat until smooth and whipped. Add the vanilla and rum and mix to incorporate. Add in the oatmeal.
Combine all the dry ingredients together and whisk well. Slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet and mix until fully incorporated. Add the grated apple and carrot. Mix well.
Line a smallish spring-form pan with parchment paper (or grease it really well). Put about 1/3 of the mixture in the pan (this batter will make 3 tiers, so you'll have to do this 3 times. Just be prepared). Put in the oven for at least 40 minutes (we had to cook each tier for like, an hour), or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Cool each layer completely before adding the icing in between each layers.

Icing

• 1 cup whole milk
• 2 8-oz packages of cream cheese, very soft
• 1/3 cup molasses
• 1 tsp vanilla
• pinch salt
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• at least 2 cups powdered sugar - more if you want the icing to be stiffer.
  

Beat the whole milk for a while, then add the cream cheese bit by bit. This will help it incorporate better into the milk. Don't just dump the whole thing in there. Add the molasses, vanilla, salt, and nutmeg. Beat in the powdered sugar one cup at a time. Set aside and refrigerate for an hour while the cake bakes and cools.

Thoughts: This was hella good. There's just no way around it. The original recipe also called for like, a cup of coconut in the cake, but I suspect that would have made the cake way too sweet. It was pretty damn sweet as it is. It was also VERY moist, which was fantastic. I think next time we would put raisins in the cake as well, just for a little added texture. The carrot and apple was grated pretty finely, so they didn't really add much of a textural element at all. I felt more ambivalent about the frosting because it just tasted SO much like molasses. In the future I think we would either cut WAY back on the molasses or just not put it in at all and make a normal cream cheese frosting. Also we used whole milk instead of whipping cream for the frosting, which probably contributed to its texture (more like a loose icing than a frosting). Next time we would go ahead and use the whipping cream.

Disaster Index: 1-2/10