Hot Cross Buns with Dried Cherries and Golden Raisins

Ingredients
This recipe was again taken from Martha Stewart. Its subsequent complexity should therefore surprise no one.

• 1 cup plus 3 tbsp plus 2 tsp whole milk
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 4.5 tsp active dry yeast
• 1/5 sticks unsalted butter, melted and cooled, plus more for bowl and baking sheet
• salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 5.5 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for surface
• 3/4 cup chopped dried cherries
• 3/4 cup chopped dried golden raisins
• 1 large egg white
• 1 tbsp water
• 2 cups confectioner's sugar
• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

Heat 1 cup milk in a small saucepan over medium heat until it registers 110 on a candy thermometer.
Pour milk into a mixer bowl, and fit mixer with a dough hook.
With mixer on slow speed, add the granulated sugar, the yeast, the butter, 1.5 tsp of the salt, the nutmeg, the cinnamon, and the eggs.
Add flour, 1 cup at a time, and knead until mixture comes together in a soft, sticky dough.
Continue kneading until dough is smooth, about 4 minutes.
Add cherries and raisins, and knead to incorporate.
Remove dough from mixer and turn out onto a floured surface. Knead to further distribute dried fruit.
Coat a large bowl with PAM. Shape dough into ball and place in prepared bowl. Cover with saran wrap.
Do the microwave trick, and then put the bowl in the microwave and let rise until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
PAM a rimmed baking sheet. Turn dough onto a floured surface, knead briefly, then divide the dough into three equal pieces. You'll be working with one piece at a time, so just keep the other two under the plastic wrap.
Divide each of the three pieces into 10 pieces, and shape each into a tight ball.
Place on prepared baking sheet, spacing them 1/2 inch apart.
Repeat with all the remaining dough. If you don't have 3 baking sheets than I guess you're screwed. Just be creative.
Cover the sheets with plastic wrap and put them somewhere warm and let them rise for another 1. You could put one sheet in the microwave, and the other two in a warm oven. That's what we did. Just make sure the oven isn't TOO warm.
After an hour has elapsed, remove the sheets from their respective warm places.
Preheat the oven to 375. Whisk together the egg white and water in a small bowl. Brush tops of buns with egg-white wash. This will cause them to deflate a little. It's ok.
Bake, rotating sheet halfway through, until golden brown, 20-22 minutes.
Let cool on sheet for 30 minutes.

For the frosting:
Whisk together the remaining 3 tbsp plus 2 tsp whole milk, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and a pinch of salt. Spoon the icing into a pastry bag (if you're FANCY) or just a normal ziploc bag with a small corner cut off. Pipe icing in whatever pattern you want across the top of the buns.
Eat.

Thoughts: This recipe was way too complicated to make. I probably wouldn't make it again. Also, Martha says that the buns are best eaten the same day, and boy howdy, she's right. They get hella dry. And we obviously couldn't eat them all in the same day, because there were 30 fucking buns and there are only 2 of us. Why didn't I halve the recipe? Or even quarter it? I don't know. Just keep that in mind. ON THE OTHER HAND, if you can't use them all in one day and they get dry and stale, just make them into French toast. Cut the buns in half and then soak them in the custard. Sweet Jesus, it's delicious. So at least they won't go to waste.
Otherwise they were pretty good. I guess you're supposed to make them for Easter? I did not know this. I suppose you could pipe crosses on the buns or something (probably why they're called hot CROSS buns). Or you could pipe rude and obnoxious messages to your friends on them. Or lewd images. You get to decide how much you want to offend God.

Disaster Index: 3/10